today @ work: a secret quest

worked a normal shift today. lots of perforated metal going to lots of different places.
also engaged in an invisible quest. tracking down the dragon whose treasure room contains the cure for the evil curse affecting the Lady wasn't too difficult. obtaining the key to the room was more difficult, and it had to be done subtly, invisibly. but i succeeded :-)
of course, holding the key didn't conjure the cure. how would it, when the dragon's Deskbound Army still stood in the way? bastards. they eventually sorta melted away like Deskbound Armies occasionally do.
so the door was unguarded and i had the key! but i was a thousand leagues away.
so the Lady got the cure for herself. i think it involved secret codes.
i wish my secret invisible adventures featured a more heroic me.

dear jack frost- plz give me a pretty white morning. abt 5am would be good. thank u. -m@

i did Two little "wahoo"s today

not making this up: in Kennedy Plaza, someone just Offered Me a cigarette. still got to say "no," but added "thank u"

new enemy: short arms, large ass

last night, when time&space got malformed by gubbamint fiat, they made my fuckin fridge several ft further away & my rum less more warm :-(

are All days gonna be 25 hrs long now, or just this 1? is there gonna be a 13oclock today?

going above and beyond in geekiness today :-)

i like kennedy plaza because i get to say "no" so much

why are all the windmills sitting still?

forgot to believe any impossible things before breakfast, but it's sunday, so i'll be able to make up for it

denied whatever :-(

do #banks deliberately NOT inform me that their "available balance" includes transactions they're hiding from me? a simple asterisk footnote would be nice

ketones :-(

in a pbj sandwich, i think the peanut butter side is the boy, and the jelly side is the girl

yard sale @ 98 Cedar Ave, Riverside

i have the amazing power to make hotties breath heavy, by just tangentially referencing football.
MATTMAN!

tho i'm In, i fear the game of football is incidental to the NFL

i like the sound of church bells. but their timing seems unpredictable- always sundays, but /what time?/ can only christians understand it?

Let it come down!

one time, i was sober.

last night, this morning: unsure whats real

i just keep getting sexier and sexier! (in comparison) [projo] http://bo.st/ObZAEk

blog: Foxboro, Great Woods, And The Civic Center http://bit.ly/SRKlC4

they used to have "end zones" in football. do they still have that?

new neighbor needs a fucking "mute" function

i would like to eat. today, i've worn boots. crossing the street takes effort. loud people displease me.

"Atheism" Is Stupid http://bit.ly/QqCg5M

How To Dial Long Distance, updated URL: bit.ly/dialingphones

How To Dial Long Distance: http://bit.ly/UAq01n

i really feel sorry for all u sorry people who dont get to admire my face in the mirror every morning (@hrosamond)

why is Superman's symbol fashionable now?

a pigeon shit on me

henceforth when i speak, please always infer i mean "the naked, sweaty kind".

superman stories= way better than jesus of nazareth stories (overall- there r more of superman, so a fair comparison isnt really possible)

love The Myth Of Starbuck http://bit.ly/RdLE7o

when escaping from the wicked pretty short haired girl, wearing two red slippers to fly the space shuttle would be total overkill.

people who say "i don't dance" but really do make it so much harder on those of us who really don't. fuck em.

could anyone help me find, torture, and slaughter Left Knee God? he cant be That tough

dear god of left knees, i am coming to kill u, painfully

2500 yrs ago plato wrote of a mythical wonderland far away. he called it #Horseneck. personally, i dont believe in it. plz prove me wrong?

dear yahweh, do u watch me when i'm on the toilet? if yes- please stop, youre gross & creepy.

fuck you, Rob McKenna

it's cool how if someone says "mankind came here by winged horse from atlantis", i'm socially not allowed to question it

has anyone else noticed how incredibly not-at-#horseneck i am? [SFX: sorrowful wailing]

dear jesus, am i supposed to throw the moneylenders out or am i supposed to get thrown out by them? (i forget.)

dear yahweh, am i supposed to eat pig and oppress fags, or vice versa?

http://ping.fm/2uqyv

"hot soccer mom" screws with the M@land paradigm.

people like to praise cod. but, if cod's so great why's it so easily lumped in with haddock as "scrod"? cod lovers don't make sense

there's no such thing as midichlorians.

godsdammit: #horseneck thumb-in-the-air. LOOK AT ME, say "yes", and i wont eat yer brains

who's going to #horseneck? [thumb in air]

i spend so much time in bed, i'm thinking of moving in. if anyone knows how to perform a lung-ectomy, plz come see me: i'll buy beer

the Best Part of sitting in the grass in the city park is the cigarette butts & fast food packaging!

henceforth, bald is "hot". no debate. you have your orders. carry on.

why are there so few sexy pictures around here? step up, damn it

i think my kick-ass-immune-system has died and left me defenseless. considering deicide.

Death? is that you?

sirs, why do you Want me to have to see your underpants? you trying to do me a favor (fail), or punish me (why?)?

i do not want to see your underpants

Mattman = Wicked Hot

since nobody got me shit for my birthday yesterday i'm on strike against y'all :-(

state beach looks like bourbon street, from a distance

strangely barrless beach weekend

why am i still awake? suspect gods' plots...

giving up on "what day is it?"- just have to rely on my scheduled alerts, i guess

my love is gone. my life is now a hollow shell :-(

my love is gone. my life is now a hollow shell :-(

my love is gone. my life is now a hollow shell :-(

when did i graduate from supergenius/retard to meregenius/superretard? i'm guessing '99.

Jesus is such a fan of sundays, he lets proles earn almost their worth on the one (of 7) day! jeez, wish _i_ could work sunday for jesus

another Mpire defeated by the US Army :-( dammit, @megwhitfield!

is there an "app" for shutting up other peoples phones (other than a baseball bat)? are bats allowed on the bus? #RIPTA

looks like the Grist Mill, Seekonk, burned down

Perfect, @ the beach :-)

i wont necessarily die, today :-) #thebrightside

sorry to all about any spam from my old yahoo account. thanks, @AlisonMED for the heads up.

city :-(

coffee on the beach, clear day, warm, waves, sunlight on buzzard's bay :-)

Big Rock bound :-)

this just in: Prov,RI voted 2 ban public utterance of words contain letter "G". fines 2 B issued @discretion of high school football captain

can anyone spare 64 cents? i could really use 64 cents

obscenity-esp low-minded cursing-pisses me off. think of the fucking children, u assholes. u want em to learn everyday english or something?

i do believe in angles

i'm wicked nimble.

damn, i miss LSD

when i put #startrek on the tv i get confused a lot- so many sounds identical to my phone's...

Bruce Wayne, 21!

m@land is 125% more "real" than Real, but i understand less than 80% of it :-/

i fear lemming-heaven.

@Shay Heal loves the klingon moustache!

http://ping.fm/Cm832

very surreal

mmm. spiderman's girlfriend :-)

henceforth, you all must call me "Sir Sexiness". thank you for your obedience.

laid down for a quick nap ~ 4pm yesterday- but woke up 12 hours later. a world record?

mission commencement

somebody has way more fun at work than me, i think

not pretending to know, pretending not to know :-)

dear WNAC, please turn down the volume on your commercials. *slightly* louder would be irritating, but you've reached the next level.

i like how "sizes" r just random numbers rolled on dice: http://ping.fm/ZCxtL

oops: make that: Yard Sale, 99 Suffolk Avenue, Pawtucket, RI. 9AM.

yard sale, now, @ 99 Suffolk Avenue, Pawtucket, RI

everyone <3 the klingon moustache. thems what don't (all 6 of u,) fu.

i've only been flexing the pythons so much because You People need a manly sight. i'm generous! anyway: guns like these, Got To Show off!

a gift to u all: in public i play shitty music thru shitty unshielded headphones as loud as possible. your liking silence is unamerican.

a gift to u all: in public i play shitty music thru shitty unshielded headphones as loud as possible. your liking silence is unamerican.

*i talk loudly & ceaselessly because i am generous & wish to share my vast wisdom with all u ignorant schmucks.*

all the guys at work are totally jealous of the klingon moustache.

i believe there's exactly the right amount of church bells in my life :-) #positivity too bad they're all attached to churches, but whatever

years and years of science have indeed proved All Girls Have Cooties. denying it doesnt change the facts

i want a new drug

i am excellent at answering wrong number callers #positivity

Being-Wicked-Pretty licenses discounted, one week only, $3. be first in line, or you might lose out & have to wear the bag-on-the-head

Did Not Drink At The Mens' Room. it's true.

all these years believing i was fallible, and it turns out i was mistaken all along!

of Course weed/marijuana is illegal! IT'S MADE OF MURDERED CHILDREN! that's why you need a doctor's permission! dumb americans...

news flash: i once again won the presidential nomination of the m@ party! unanimous vote!

dear bedtime, i LOVE you. -your biggest fan, M@

i'm very good at pouring martinis (and drinking them :-) #positivity @AlisonMED

i read that "positive" posts make people more popular on the social sites. so: yeah, morons, suck it. (not you, lovey! well, yeah, you, but in a different way.) please.)

that you haven't shown me your boobs kinda makes me angry. so don't act all nice as tho you haven't done anything wrong.

couldn't be much lazier. :-D

per Eredith's pronouncewent, i guess now i'll be called "Att".

is it impossible to go to the water closet and wash your hands once? i think so.

Google might have to go bankrupt! http://ping.fm/Y814G

immune system fighting a 2-front war: vs 1. a cold, & 2. Everything (should i say "Nothing"?). i half hope Everything wins

very mild pain= no problem. but very mild pain that lasts months= kinda suck

:-) go!

this weekend: the "real" parts & the "only in M@brain" parts blurred together super-lossy... vaguely remember laughing under a couch (?)...

happy Fun Day!

i'm allergic to The World? thank u, all-powerful, all-good god. gonna beat yer 13 billion+ year old ass into pained silly putty if we meet

now that space-time has been shown to have no intrinsic meaning, do i get to show up at work at 4:55 in my bedroom, tomorrow? thank you, The Man!

been up 13 hrs and Still no hypogylcemia! :-) i'd get proud, but i'm sure the gods are getting ready to really fuck with me

aftermarket Rangkor (think _Return Of The Jedi_) wanted. anyone know anyone? promise it'll be well fed

whew! they gave me another warning! and to think: i was considering Not wearing my kevlar vest tomorrow! THANK YOU, THE MAN, FOR SCARING ME INTO COMPLIANCE!

my tv just told me to wear a helmet, kneepads, elbowpads and chainmail shirt, else The Man will Fuck Me Up :-O Canada's better, right? i hope...

beginning the weekend :-) And with More Than Five Dollars!

:-) Matt D. Fonseca's location@06:17,2/27
http://ping.fm/SoBpu

allowed to work :-)

religious war is cool, becuse the non-religious don't suffer :-)

good thing malformtaion/SORRY/conformation is considered cool. wouldn't wanna accidentally be thought of as miscreant. whew!

if @Shawn Darling & i are found dead in a mysterious foul cloud, plz investigate @Eric Darling's ass.

cul de sac pogo stick contest at 6 pm!

monkey-dick party @ The Mens' Room. umm...

been sitting in front of the fire drinking for well over 24 hours :-)

holding a beer IN MY LEFT HAND :-)

splintless (mostly) :-)

duh! obviously churches should be exempt from all the rules everyone else has to follow. so should _i_, if course. oh, yeah, and you.

i don't understand halftime.

ill :-(

2 hypoglycemic episodes today. body is so efficiently metabolizing carbohydrates, i might have to get all fat american in order to not die

the Twilight Zone was NOT shot in 16x9 aspect ratio. humans are NOT normally 3ft wide. Lucille Ball did NOT weigh 250 lbs.

forcing me to read your TEXT in YOUR layout doesn't make me acknowledge yer artistry, it makes me want to punch u, if we meet, face to face.

Matt D. Fonseca's lameness: The M-Pire Will Rise Again! http://ping.fm/dZsN6

you're rolling your eyes because i'm "weird"? No, you're rolling your eyes because you're a retard.

Yahweh Jehova for GOP nomination! http://ping.fm/DKXxx

my bookends don't match any more. i like the newest one, but i liked when they matched, too :/

on the Party Bus- disco music & all- to the doctor, was sitting next to 1 of 2 friends, each so wide they couldn't sit together :)

US federal gov... vs. the federal reserve... whateva, gimme a $1. idc if yer a national govt or a bunch of evil capitalist corpororatist demons. where's my dolla?

i just (accidentally) poisoned my mom :(

$30 to cut off my left arm & make it look like an accident. anyone?

less than good news at the doctors today :-/

i like "awkward" silences